After much debate and consultation with sources across the automotive world, we are honored to bring you a collected record of the top 10.

The top 10 what? I hear you asking, pleading, arms aloft gazing up at our gilded royal balcony for any sort of meaningful address. Chaos runs in the streets. Buildings crumble. A biblical flood wipes all trace of our lives from the surface of the world. 247 million perish. But the king’s men stand stoic and silent, for perhaps even they do not know.

Anyway, what are you a fucking narc? Let’s get into the list.

10. Oldsmobile Bravada

“House real big” this! “Cars real big” that! As if anything could surmount the cosmic despair brought into your life through Oldsmobile Bravada ownership. I’m not even entirely sure what I’m looking at here. Somewhere, buried under that plastic cladding is the desecrated remains of a 4-door Chevy Blazer. But using that car as a fulcrum to elevate the Bravada in argument is like saying the Buick Encore deserves to exist because they once made the GNX. Hear now my decree and weep! Except for you, 4.3 V6. Sit down, you can stay.

My wife left me for a Grand Cherokee on Vlone Forgiatos but I bet he doesn’t idle in the Wawa parking lot as hard as I do.

9. Porsche 911 991.2 Turbo S

Somewhere near 7000 rpm and one PSI of boost shy of splitting the block in two, this testament to Porsche’s “pursuit of perfection” stands proud at the top do the non-GT 911s. There’s just something great about turbocharged Porsches. Like, the proper ones. Savage, unruly, neck-pain-inducingly fast, it should be easy to put to words. In theory, it’s self-explanatory. Or is it? Can you explain it? The Porsche sales guy I have locked in my basement can’t. (And he won’t come out until I get a build slot for a 992 gt3 at MSRP!)

8. Lincoln Blackwood

For the man who has it all. I bet you looked good towing that Suntracker Party Barge 18 DLX down us441 from your hovel in Dundee aaaaallll the way to Okeechobee City for a great weekend with the wife at Camp Bravo. You’ll be the big shot as you pull up to the Iron Eagle in your Blackwood. You might not be the blue collar Contractor King your fantasize about, but at least now you can role play with your Blackwood. Another Coors light to celebrate?

7. 2023 Honda Civic Sport (CVT)

It drives like a gokart! A single speed gokart, the CVT is good! No, really, I swear! The 2023 Honda Civic Sport (CVT) would and should win car of the year, every year, for eternity. I mean, just look at those lines, those sensual, curvaceous lines, the *checks sales brief* 30 city and 37 Highway mpg, the world beating steering feedback. This car could plow my wife in front of me and I’d probably thank it.

In an gesture of humility though, Honda has elected to abstain from letting the 2023 Honda Civic Sport (CVT) be nominated as Car of the Year (by all magazines and relevant governing bodies) to let other companies have the spot light.

6. Chrysler Imperial

Chrysler went form making cars like this to being owned by the French and selling a single shared platform minivan. The Imperial gets a spot on this list, so we can have a moment of silence as the last Chrysler executive ponders his relevancy.

5. GMA T.50

We’re all just really big fans of Mr. G. Murray’s work. Truly blown away by the performance. I’m sure our fan base would love a review soon.

4. Isuzu

Talk about a company that really had their fingers in everything. Including me. It hurts. Stop it. Send help.

3. BYD ATTO 3

比亚迪ATTO 3搭载专为纯电动汽车设计的全新比亚迪e-Platform 3.0。比亚迪ATTO 3充分发挥了e-Platform 3.0智能、高效、安全、美观的优势。该平台旨在提高电动汽车在低温下的安全性和续航里程等性能，改善驾驶体验，打造更高效、更安全的新型智能电动汽车。En. Electric Car Value! Traveling in Build Your Dream (BYD 汽车公司) auto fashion style. Advance platform in your market from streamlined technology of BYD.

2. Ram 1500

You might think that going across an ocean to the Italian autostrada would be a way to escape these. But alas, 3000 miles away from i95, YOU ASSHOLES STILL CUT ME OFF WHEN THERE’S CLEARLY ENOUGH SPACE FOR AN OIL TANKER. POUND SAND YOU KNUCKLE DRAGGING REPROBATES TOO STUPID TO BUY A BETTER TRUCK. And for that it makes #2.

Honorable mention: Skoda Enyaq iV Coupe

What even are you?

1. Lamborghini Urraco LP250

The Lamborghini Huracan performante held the world’s attention when it debuted. The Zenith of the “baby lambo”, this machine was Lamborghini’s madness focused on track performance. And fuck me did it deliver. 630 naturally aspirated horses from a v10 powering all four wheels, active aerodynamics, a liberal use of carbon fiber… Never before has there been a lambo like this, and never again will there. That’s right, we are making sure of it.

Wait, wrong car? WTF is a Urraco? It sound stupid and looks old. Fuck it, number 1.

Thanks! – Monty & Pinecone!